- from Following the Equator
"If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man."
- from Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar
"It is just like man's vanity and impertinence to call an animal dumb because it is dumb to his dull perceptions"
- from What is Man?
"...the report of my death was an exaggeration"
- note written May 1897
"I can understand German as well as the maniac that invented it, but I talk it best through an interpreter"
- from A Tramp Abroad
"The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man that can not read them"
"It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt"